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Update

It's been a while since I have posted on here mostly due to my summer being so crazy busy that I have had little time to do anything for myself. With the exception of going to a few theme parks and the movies little time was left for anything else. Things on the homefront have gotten a little better more of the house has been cleaned but there is a lot of work to go. Sometimes between work, caring for aging parents, a semihoarded house and lifes other issues are enough to drive someone mad. My bff also is going through tough times with unemployment and severe depression and now even homelessness. Many times a week bff has been crashing at my place, going between my place and bffs mothers. Bff can't stay at their moms long term due to lack of space and not being on the lease. All this equals more stress and craziness in my life. Drama is not something I enjoy, so I am taking each day as it comes and being positive I still have faith that things will continue to get better. I just have to dig very deep and make good choices and decisions. This maybe easier said than done but it CAN be done.

Rest with a bit of insomnia

After an extremely long work week I have enjoyed two glorious days off.  I love my job very much but these days off were a much needed regrouping session for me. I never get to spend a few hours in bed watching TV and napping and today I did just that. Who would have known that taking a little time out could be so good for the soul. However tomorrow is back to the grind for another 11hour work day. Going to hit the unisom and with some luck get a full 7 hours sleep. Here's hoping for the best.  Wishing everyone a great weekend and peaceful dreams.

spitting in the wind

This week has been one of those trying weeks where I just want to bury my head in the sand for a few moments and forget that there is a whole world swirling with life around me. Not for long just until what I like to fondly call my chi return to me and give me my center again. I found myself crying on the side of a busy interstate here in my town on a very narrow sh older of the road after my fuel pump went out on me. It was around 10:30pm at night and every car that sped buy shook my car. I could feel the vibrations and it was scary really scary. I tried calling the two people in my life that I know I could depend on my bbff (boy best friend) and my dad neither of which could be reached. There was no way I could open the drivers side door and the passenger side was over looking a very steep hill. So no where to really go anyway.
This whole day I had been in a really bad mood all day in in lots of pain due to an impending migraine I was sure was on its way. I am usually a happy and bright person and cheer all of the rest of my team at work up but today I could not have been a more polar opposite of myself. Welcome Dr. Jekyll...oh my. Some how I feel as if my negative emotions manifested these events or could it have been the illness itself that created my reaction. I am not sure which is which in this case but I do believe that negative creates negative and what ever we throw out into the universe we get back in return. Like spitting into the wind, not very advisable cuz in this situation even our own spit can be quite gross.



Every now and then we have and off day and a bad day and it's okay. In the end things worked out for me AAA came my dad came my bbff offered moral support over the phone and the migraine has lingered for the last three days but I got home safe and unharmed. Some times life may be about simply getting trough the day. Kick into survival mode so that we may get through it. A new one will come full of promise.
Lots of hugs and hope

back to blogging - A little bit of hope and sunshiny smiles

So I have decided to buckle down and start to bloging/ journaling again its been a really really long time and i think that i need the therapeutic goodness of it. I have been going through so much this past year with depression, agoraphobia, work bulling issues, heath issues, abusive parent issues, financial issues and other challenges. Yet I have this over whelming desire to positive happy and hopeful. I have this deep desire to be a better person to be amazing and to change the world around me. (Insert sunshine and rainbows if you may) I know for some of you reading this this may sound like complete crazy talk but for someone that has lost so much and has gone though what I have how can I not begin to like my life with a little hope.
Living with out hope means living without without inspiration and strength. Hope gives you the eyes to look for the beauty in each day and goodness in others. Hope is what gets you through when you have nothing else to look forward too. I have this crazy vision that if each of us became more happy shiny people that we could each spread joy and hope to the world. With some kind words and beautiful smiles. I know I feel so warm and fuzzy when someone complements me or gives me a nice smile.

Please evaluate how you are spending your days and see if there is anything you can do to bring joy into your life or into the lives of others it doesn't take much but it can change someones day.