Lifes a beach

Monday was the last day of the long weekend so what do you do when you live in sunny Florida you make your way to the beach. I myself haven't been to the ocean in well over 12 years. The last time I went was with EJ the summer after high school back before life got complicated and all was still right in the world or at least as right as my 18 year old brain could comprehend.

Nevertheless Monday (the true Memorial day) was such a beautiful day with people that mean so much to me. It was a day to let things go and just enjoy all that nature had to offer. This was the first time that my 9 year old son had been to the beach, the first time he felt the ocean spray upon his body and the sand between his toes.

It's memories like these that I am so happy that I still have with him. I know in a few years he will be grown up (at least in his eyes) and doing things with mom are not going to be as cool as they once were. However for now I am so very thankful for days like these in my life.

Good Afternoon all. I haven't updated lately since I haven't been on the computer lately and this past week I took a few days out for myself. However I wanted to quickly share a video/song that been running through my mind the last few days.

ENJOY! :)



She Floats Like A Swan
Grace On The Water
Lips Like Sugar
Lips Like Sugar
Just When You Think You've Caught Her
She Glides Across The Water
She Calls For You Tonight
To Share This Moonlight

You'll Flow Down Her River
She'll Ask You And You'll Give Her

Chorus:
Lips Like Sugar
Sugar Kisses
Lips Like Sugar
Sugar Kisses

She Knows What She Knows
I Know What She's Thinking
Sugar Kisses
Sugar Kisses
Just When You Think She's Yours
She's Flown To Other Shores
To Laugh At How You Break
And Melt Into This Lake

You'll Flow Down Her River
But You'll Never Give Her
(Chorus)

She'll Be My Mirror
Reflect What I Am
A Loser And A Winner
The King Of Siam
And My Siamese Twin
Alone On The River
Mirror Kisses (X2)

(Chorus X3)


--Also I seriously need to get a ton of house work finished today this place is really gross and I still need to unpack. Why am I still living out of bag and boxes?--

Here it is almost 2am and I can't sleep. I have this crazy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had such a wonderful day so I can't understand this anxiety some of it is due to the nightmare that have plagued my dreams for the last week and part of it is just the feeling in the back of my mind of not being 'good enough'. (BTW this has nothing to do with self-esteem or confidence)

Sarah McLachlan says it perfectly in her song good enough:

Hey, your glass is empty
It's a hell of a long way home
Why dont you let me take you
It's no good to go alone
I never would have have opened up
But you seem so real to me
And after all the bullshit I have heard
It's refreshing not to see
That I dont have to pretend she doesnt expect it from me

So dont tell me I havent been good to you
Dont tell me I have never been there for you
Just tell me why nothing is good enough

Of course I'll never admit to my insecurities. Since maybe they aren't TRUE insecurities, they could be crazy thoughts running through my head.

Hey little girl would you like some candy
Your mamma said it's ok
Door is open, c'mon out side
No I can't come out today
It's not the wind that cracked your shoulder,
And threw you to the ground
Who's there that makes you so afraid
You're shaking to the bone
No I dont understand, you deserve so much more than this
So don't tell me why he's never been good to you
Don't tell me why he's never been there for you
Don't you know that why is simply not good enough


What makes things so difficult, why is it so hard just to let go and believe that maybe for once things will turn out the way they are supposed to.

Oh so just let me try, and I will be good to you
Just let me try and I will be there for you
I'll show you why you're so much more than good enough
Oh so just let me try and I will be good to you
Just let me try and I will be there for you
I'll show you why you're so much more than good enough

Mothers day

Happy Mothers Day!!!!!
Today was a very special day for me I took time out to spend with my son and I and I even got a chance to sleep in which was welcomed. So many friends and family called and texted will wishes I can tell you all I feel truly happy and blessed to have all of you in my life.
Thank you everyone for the gifts and kind words when ever I am having an off kind of day it's moments like these that help me though.
HUGS and LOVE to you all!

A WTF!!! kind of day..

Have you ever had one of those days were you get out of the proverbial wrong side of the bed and the day just cascades down from there. That was totally my day yesterday, no amount of good luck or karma could have changed the balance in which Loki (the god of mischief and misfortune) had set out for me.

Upon waking up and starting on my morning routine I manage to drop a 2 liter bottle of soda on my foot that nearly rips a toe nail off my foot. I'm like okay maybe I'm just still tired since I was feeling was wired. I finish picking up the kitchen and sweep the floor and no sooner then I'm about to leave the room some how I break a whole bottle of unopened salsa on the floor. By this point I'm like the heck with this and go back to bed for a nap. The last 4-5 days have been pure hell for me as far a sleep is concerned. I've been having the worst nightmares that I have 'ever' had in my entire life and It's even to the point I dread even going to sleep anymore. For those of you that know me this is completely out of character for me, nights that I have nothing planned I am usually in bed by 11:30pm. I'm a firm believer that in order to take proper care of your body you need to get your proper amount of sleep. That is the first step. It's to the point now I'm almost on pins and needles and am so hyper sensitive it's not even funny. Again for those of you know that I walk a very fine line between being graceful and cluclumsyhen I am preforming I can be a swan, in the real world not so much. :)

Now if you are still following me this is only the first part of my day I've not even really started my day. I'm thinking the quick nap will put things back in order and give me a quick energy boost which was true it did and I felt that the day was back to being normal..............NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER think that your day is going to go back to normal if it didn't start out that way. The next hour or so I fix some homemade muffins and proceed to shower and do my makeup. All is good the muffins turn out beautiful and I didn't even burn myself. I leave my home thinking all is great, arrive at my GF's home for a nice cup of coffee and muffins and I'm totally starting to relax and enjoy the moment. when her phone rings. She asks me to hand her the phone. I stand pick it up off the counter and turn around to hand it to her out streached hand and the phone some how files from my hand through a baker rack bounces off of picture frames and lands in to the dogs water bowl. This whole action took less then 3 seconds to happen. My first thought was oh my god what just happened and a sinking feeling came over me.

I picked the phone out off the water which was still ringing ( a spongebob song no less) and stood in shock at what happened. I have never felt more of a clumsy ass than this moment. I mean sure all the other things that happened were bad enough but this is ruining something that isn't even mine.

Anyway long story short a new phone had to be ordered and all is right in the world at least until the next Friday13th, the full moon, black cat crosses my path or until Loki decided to pay me a visit. Until then keep me away from all electronic equipment. :)

Also we found our first Geocache!!! It took a second trip to said location but when she said those famous words "I found it!" I simply could not help but get excited. ( Thank you "Y" for introducing me to such a cool hobby. I am a muggle no more.)