Set Your Emotional Thermostat for Happy

This is an essay that I got in my e-mail as part of the flylady e-mails. This message is too good not to share with others. After all the stress and drama that I have gone through in the last few months and people ask how I can continue to be happy and to smile. My secret it is all about how we see ourselves and if we love ourselves enough we allow ourselves to be happy. Please read and enjoy.

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Young@Heart by Pam Young

Set Your Emotional Thermostat for Happy

When I think about the happy people whom I know personally, one of the attributes they seem to have in common is a wonderful outlook on life. It's like they have a happiness thermostat that is programmed for joy and contentment no matter what happens to them.

I thought of this thermostat metaphor because the one in our house has been working overtime with the heat wave we're having in the northwest. We've got it set at 77 degrees and when outside forces (the sun's rays) raise the temperature, the trusty thermostat kicks the air conditioner on to keep our inside lives running comfortably.

Consider an emotional thermostat. Instead of temperatures imagine words on a thermostat with emotions like miserable, overwhelmed, worried, desperate, optimistic, hopeful, happy, and blissful. Unfortunately many have their thermostats set on negative emotions, but we can set our thermostats for happy by deciding to practice being joyful moment by moment regardless of the forces outside of us.

What is interesting about setting an intention of being happy all the time, is when something pulls you from that place you know it and you can kick in and put yourself back on happy. There's no guesswork in knowing your thermostat is off. When you realize it consider these things first, do I need a drink of water? Have I eaten? Did I get enough sleep last night? Usually one of those three deficiencies will affect your emotional thermostat. When those three elements are taken seriously and taken care of, it's easy to keep your emotional thermostat set on happy.

It can sound selfish to consider your happiness as a priority when there are people in your life who think they need you to consider theirs first. I like to call it enlightened selfishness, because when you take care of your emotions first then you are in a position to serve others in joy. If you don't keep yourself healthy you can't be of service to others instead you are dependent them.

I just read Nikki's essay on smiling at yourself in the mirror first thing in the morning and writing a love note to yourself. Smiling at you in the mirror in the morning can set your thermostat for the day and it wouldn't hurt to do it every time you pass a mirror.
In Sidetracked Home Executives: From Pigpen to Paradise one of our rules when Peggy and I got organized was to shower, dress and put on makeup first thing in the morning.

Excerpt: One woman returned to class with this story: "I got up like you said we have to do, and I showered, shampooed my hair, and put my makeup on. I felt wonderful? I went to wake up my teenage son, and he said, 'Aw, Mom, you slept in your clothes!'"

Actually, it was even a bit of a shock to us to pass ourselves in a mirror and catch a glimpse of a stranger in our house. We began complimenting ourselves for looking so nice. "Oh, now don't you look pretty!" We felt a little strange at first, giving complements to an image in the mirror, but we decided we needed some positive stokes. Was it egotistical to tell ourselves how well we were doing? NO! We decided that, if egotistical people would take some time to tell themselves they were "all right," maybe they wouldn't' have to tell everybody else.

Abraham Lincoln said: "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be." He also said, "Everybody likes a compliment."

Now I'm going to go write that love note.

After the rain

It just stopped raining here and I don't think there is a time that I have been more thankful for the rain before. You see when it rains I believe that the soul is cleansed and all the sadness,heartache, bad thoughts, worries, pain and the like are all washed away. We all need for the weight of our souls and hearts to be lifted from time to time so that we can move on from experiences and live again.

I got news Sunday night that my uncle (my grandmothers brother) had passed away. He had gone in to the hospital at the beginning of the week due to aspiration issues and was in bad shape in ICU. My grandmother and I would visit him and with in a few days he was starting to slowly improve but then Sunday night he took a turn for the worst and lost his battle. He was 83 years old and lived a full life and despite his mental limitations he was a really sweet man. I know that a little piece of my heart is breaking to know that he is no longer with us. However the knowledge that he is no longer in pain is comforting but it's still sad.

I spent the last few days in bed. Today It took me until nearly 2:30pm to shower and get dressed for the day. I forced myself to get up (thanks to some prompting from my sweet Boy Friend) had a healthy lunch just in time for the a heavy thunderstorm to roll through knocking the power out. During this time I laid back and listened to the rain and stopped worrying. (Which will be another update in it's self) and began to relax. A calmness overcame me and after the rain I felt better again. Not 100% granted but enough to feel some what normal again. There is a little something magical in nature when the storm passes. For this I am thankful.

It's OK! by Kandee Johnson

IT's OK!
i've had so many times in my life, when i was feeling awful, i'd done something wrong, i was scared, or sad, and all i needed was someone to tell me it will be OK!

Me and my mom were talking last night about my great gramma, who's still alive, she is 90. We were talking about how she never gets upset about anything, she just says, "oh, it'll be okay"! And she tries to make everything something wonderful. If it's cloudy she'll say, "oh goody, it's going to rain", like when she found out I was going to have my Jordan (when I married at 17 and had a baby at 18) she just said, "oh goody, we're gonna have a baby!"

I want you to know, that no matter what is going on in your life, what circumstance, is making you feel sad, or upset, or hurt, or frustrated.... that IT WILL BE OK!
Everything will be ok. You will be ok. No matter what is going on, how you feel it could be the worst thing, you will make it through.

I have my mama, and she has the most gentle ear to tell things to. I can tell her anything, and she will make me feel better about it. She too, also tells me, "oh honey, it will ok, we'll get through it, don't worry!"

And I want you to know, I'm hugging you through the computer, I'm sending my love, and the next time you have one of those things where you think, "OH NO!!!!".....hear my voice saying, "it will be ok, it's alright, we'll get through this!"

-Kandee Johnson-

Memorial Day 2010

Memorial Day 2010

I spent a better part of my day on Saturday at the American Legion to help set up for the Memorial day service. I had the honor of setting up the POW memorial table for this event. (Yes it was a day early but our post has members involved in may different groups) What a beautiful service it was with the memorial garden, honor guard and 21 gun salute it was a great reminder of what this country's freedom is all about.

However I am a bit distressed and am angry that our own president Barack Hussein Obama could not manage to make it to Arlington Cemetery to honor our fallen heroes at the tomb of the unknown soldier. Instead he sent his vice president to do the honor of placing the wreath. So I have expressed my feelings in a letter to the president himself:


Dear Mr. President,

Wouldn't attending the national memorial service have been a great lesson in patriotism and sacrifice of country for your daughters to have learned? Standing with your two little ones watching the changing of the guard in front of the Tomb of the unknowns. You would have seen a young woman lay down on the grave of U.S. Marine Corps Lance Corporal Noah Pier.(Pier was killed Feburary 12, 2010 in Marja, Afghanistan.) This was her way of spending one last day in the sun with him. However you and your family were simply not there.

It breaks my heart that the man that is the commander and chief of this proud nation couldn't be bothered to show up for this service especially since this is your FIRST Arlington Memorial service. While my own Brother this week re-enlisted with the military for another 4 years and at completion of this service will be a total of 20 years dedication and service for this great nation. Many of these services have taken him to Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran. He has even been involved with freeing people from the Somali pirates. These last 4 years of service are going to be under your administration Mr. President. I can only hope that during this time that you will find a better way to honor our veterans as well as the men and women who risk their lives to protect the freedoms that we have here in this nation of the United States of America.

Lifes a beach

Monday was the last day of the long weekend so what do you do when you live in sunny Florida you make your way to the beach. I myself haven't been to the ocean in well over 12 years. The last time I went was with EJ the summer after high school back before life got complicated and all was still right in the world or at least as right as my 18 year old brain could comprehend.

Nevertheless Monday (the true Memorial day) was such a beautiful day with people that mean so much to me. It was a day to let things go and just enjoy all that nature had to offer. This was the first time that my 9 year old son had been to the beach, the first time he felt the ocean spray upon his body and the sand between his toes.

It's memories like these that I am so happy that I still have with him. I know in a few years he will be grown up (at least in his eyes) and doing things with mom are not going to be as cool as they once were. However for now I am so very thankful for days like these in my life.

Good Afternoon all. I haven't updated lately since I haven't been on the computer lately and this past week I took a few days out for myself. However I wanted to quickly share a video/song that been running through my mind the last few days.

ENJOY! :)



She Floats Like A Swan
Grace On The Water
Lips Like Sugar
Lips Like Sugar
Just When You Think You've Caught Her
She Glides Across The Water
She Calls For You Tonight
To Share This Moonlight

You'll Flow Down Her River
She'll Ask You And You'll Give Her

Chorus:
Lips Like Sugar
Sugar Kisses
Lips Like Sugar
Sugar Kisses

She Knows What She Knows
I Know What She's Thinking
Sugar Kisses
Sugar Kisses
Just When You Think She's Yours
She's Flown To Other Shores
To Laugh At How You Break
And Melt Into This Lake

You'll Flow Down Her River
But You'll Never Give Her
(Chorus)

She'll Be My Mirror
Reflect What I Am
A Loser And A Winner
The King Of Siam
And My Siamese Twin
Alone On The River
Mirror Kisses (X2)

(Chorus X3)


--Also I seriously need to get a ton of house work finished today this place is really gross and I still need to unpack. Why am I still living out of bag and boxes?--

Here it is almost 2am and I can't sleep. I have this crazy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had such a wonderful day so I can't understand this anxiety some of it is due to the nightmare that have plagued my dreams for the last week and part of it is just the feeling in the back of my mind of not being 'good enough'. (BTW this has nothing to do with self-esteem or confidence)

Sarah McLachlan says it perfectly in her song good enough:

Hey, your glass is empty
It's a hell of a long way home
Why dont you let me take you
It's no good to go alone
I never would have have opened up
But you seem so real to me
And after all the bullshit I have heard
It's refreshing not to see
That I dont have to pretend she doesnt expect it from me

So dont tell me I havent been good to you
Dont tell me I have never been there for you
Just tell me why nothing is good enough

Of course I'll never admit to my insecurities. Since maybe they aren't TRUE insecurities, they could be crazy thoughts running through my head.

Hey little girl would you like some candy
Your mamma said it's ok
Door is open, c'mon out side
No I can't come out today
It's not the wind that cracked your shoulder,
And threw you to the ground
Who's there that makes you so afraid
You're shaking to the bone
No I dont understand, you deserve so much more than this
So don't tell me why he's never been good to you
Don't tell me why he's never been there for you
Don't you know that why is simply not good enough


What makes things so difficult, why is it so hard just to let go and believe that maybe for once things will turn out the way they are supposed to.

Oh so just let me try, and I will be good to you
Just let me try and I will be there for you
I'll show you why you're so much more than good enough
Oh so just let me try and I will be good to you
Just let me try and I will be there for you
I'll show you why you're so much more than good enough

Mothers day

Happy Mothers Day!!!!!
Today was a very special day for me I took time out to spend with my son and I and I even got a chance to sleep in which was welcomed. So many friends and family called and texted will wishes I can tell you all I feel truly happy and blessed to have all of you in my life.
Thank you everyone for the gifts and kind words when ever I am having an off kind of day it's moments like these that help me though.
HUGS and LOVE to you all!

A WTF!!! kind of day..

Have you ever had one of those days were you get out of the proverbial wrong side of the bed and the day just cascades down from there. That was totally my day yesterday, no amount of good luck or karma could have changed the balance in which Loki (the god of mischief and misfortune) had set out for me.

Upon waking up and starting on my morning routine I manage to drop a 2 liter bottle of soda on my foot that nearly rips a toe nail off my foot. I'm like okay maybe I'm just still tired since I was feeling was wired. I finish picking up the kitchen and sweep the floor and no sooner then I'm about to leave the room some how I break a whole bottle of unopened salsa on the floor. By this point I'm like the heck with this and go back to bed for a nap. The last 4-5 days have been pure hell for me as far a sleep is concerned. I've been having the worst nightmares that I have 'ever' had in my entire life and It's even to the point I dread even going to sleep anymore. For those of you that know me this is completely out of character for me, nights that I have nothing planned I am usually in bed by 11:30pm. I'm a firm believer that in order to take proper care of your body you need to get your proper amount of sleep. That is the first step. It's to the point now I'm almost on pins and needles and am so hyper sensitive it's not even funny. Again for those of you know that I walk a very fine line between being graceful and cluclumsyhen I am preforming I can be a swan, in the real world not so much. :)

Now if you are still following me this is only the first part of my day I've not even really started my day. I'm thinking the quick nap will put things back in order and give me a quick energy boost which was true it did and I felt that the day was back to being normal..............NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER think that your day is going to go back to normal if it didn't start out that way. The next hour or so I fix some homemade muffins and proceed to shower and do my makeup. All is good the muffins turn out beautiful and I didn't even burn myself. I leave my home thinking all is great, arrive at my GF's home for a nice cup of coffee and muffins and I'm totally starting to relax and enjoy the moment. when her phone rings. She asks me to hand her the phone. I stand pick it up off the counter and turn around to hand it to her out streached hand and the phone some how files from my hand through a baker rack bounces off of picture frames and lands in to the dogs water bowl. This whole action took less then 3 seconds to happen. My first thought was oh my god what just happened and a sinking feeling came over me.

I picked the phone out off the water which was still ringing ( a spongebob song no less) and stood in shock at what happened. I have never felt more of a clumsy ass than this moment. I mean sure all the other things that happened were bad enough but this is ruining something that isn't even mine.

Anyway long story short a new phone had to be ordered and all is right in the world at least until the next Friday13th, the full moon, black cat crosses my path or until Loki decided to pay me a visit. Until then keep me away from all electronic equipment. :)

Also we found our first Geocache!!! It took a second trip to said location but when she said those famous words "I found it!" I simply could not help but get excited. ( Thank you "Y" for introducing me to such a cool hobby. I am a muggle no more.)

The past and the people

So it's been a while since I have sat down and actually composed a blog. I have been preoccupied to say the least. I've been thinking a lot about my past as of late not the experiences per say but the events that have transpired to turn me into the person who I am today. I am happy with the outcome . I tried not to hurt anyone in the process though there have been a few broken hearts and mean words said but I believe they were inevitable.

I can't exactly pin point what has caused this reflection of my past to resurface to my present mind scape but in a way I am glad that it did. It shows me how much I have evolved as a person and how far I need to continue to grow. I never want to become the girl who became stagnant and stale. You know what I am talking about the girl with the blank expression on her face who couldn't make a logical thought if her life depended upon it. I cringe just thinking about this. Which could lead me into talking about society and why women become this way but I will digress for now. After all this reflection is about me.

I made a promise to myself when I had my 30tThbirthday that I would get my life in order and try to make each day count. I dumped the toxic people in my life. (though some of these people refuse to give me peace) and take a hard look at what I wanted out of life. I could careless about material things. (with the exception of my I-pod. You all know how important my music is to me.) The thing that gets to me every time are the people that have touched my life, each one leaving a small imprint on my heart. Some of them have taught me the hard lessons of what living is all about, some guided me and showed me skills that I needed to know and others were simply there for a laugh or a shoulder to cry on.

I guess it all boils down to the fact is that with out the past I can't appreciate who I am today. We are the mold and the past is the stuff that is dumped in to complete the statue. So to the people who are, ever have or ever will be part of my construction I offer my sincerest thanks for I am eternally grateful for each and everyone of you.

Managed to work out for 45 mins tonight with Lisa. We did tons of weight training. Despite me being a sick mess. Also walked for almost 2 miles. I'm so glad I pushed myself to do this. I need to get healthy and this is a start.

However I am stopping for a shamrock shake in honor of st.pattys day. Only a small one though. *Head Desk* No guilt thought I have been on crackers, Gatorade, water and soup for the past three days.

Tonight I am going to watch 'Whip it'. Roller Derby Girls = swoon. Plus Drew Barrymore has already stolen my heart years ago. It's bound to be a great night.

cold and The Cove

So the blah feeling I had this weekend has turned into full blown cold. So the last two dyas have resulted in major rest time. Or more commonly known as the nyquil coma.

I am hoping to feel some what better in the morning as I have a ton of things to do includeing lots of historical articles to write, helping muffin with is derby car, and looking for somethings to sell for the AL garage sale this weekend. I also need to make up some baked goodies as well to sell at the bakeslae portion of that.

I need my energy back. I also had the pleasure of watching 'The Cove' yesterday. I had aquired it before the Oscars. It was the dateline interview that sparked my intrest. However after seeing this film I am glad that it won the Oscar. Hopefully more people will take a stand for the environment and the creatures that live in it. I could speak volumes about this film but I will let you all form your own opinions about it. Just please go out and watch it.

Mom

Mom is sick in the hospital today. She has been vomiting blood again. Serious amounts of it too. She may need a transfusion. They are running tests and should have a few answers in the morning. I wish she would take better care of herself. It's just so sad.

Don't give up

First Entry

So I wanted to start this blog to have a place to understand what life is like turning 30. I know to some this is not really a big deal but to me it's a start of a whole new chapter in my life. I am looking forward to put my 20s behind me. I feel that I made stupid immature decisions and times and I could have done a better job standing up for myself. I do this now but when I was younger I would do anything to avoid conflict. The odd thing being though that I did not have self esteem issues and was actually one of the popular kids in high school and collage. So go figure.

The last 6 months have been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. I had to leave my job that I had worked at for the last 10 years due to difficulties due to a spine and brain disorder. This has resulted in me having to sell my home and moving back in with my parents. This was a had decision to make but it was something that had to be done. My mother is also suffering with medical issues of her own that require someone to care for her and being that my only sibling is in the military it had to be me that must care for her. Funny thing is that I always thought I had more time to get my own life in order before having to take care of my parents.

Right now caring for my mother has proved to be challenging in one major aspect that she is a hoarder. I have seen some of the shows on TV and while she is not quite as bad as some of these people it is a bad situation that she has placed herself in. I know and understand that this is an emotional sickness that I must approach with caution it is something I believe I can help her come to terms with and get her home under some control. I just want to be able to give her something of a normal life. I want my father to be able to invite people into his home and be able to enjoy the home that he bought after his 20 years of service in the military.

Part of my battle plan involves the following website http://www.flylady.net

In hopes of creating a routine for my family and making life simpler for everyone yet getting things taken care of around here.

Also I am finding support from the website http://www.childrenofhoarders.com

If anyone would like to offer advice or suggestions please feel free to comment.

It can't rain all the time